11 myths about domestic violence
11 myths about domestic violence In this article, we will debunk 11 myths about domestic violence by contrasting them with actual proven facts. 1. Myth:
The natural needs of young people and how to support their development
In the previous article we looked at generational conflicts and what we mean by young and old. One of the main sources of these tensions is a misunderstanding of the natural needs of young people. Often adults perceive their behaviour as a challenge to established norms, without realising the driving factors behind it. In this article, we will focus on these needs and discuss how the right approach can support the development of the younger generation while reducing feelings of limitation and misunderstanding.
Need for freedom
Young people seek freedom and often resist strict rules and prohibitions. They feel that these restrictions inhibit their personal choices. Adults, on the other hand, believe that their understandings and views are justified. This often leads to conflicts between them.
Freedom of choice is not only a desire but a necessity for development. When adolescents cannot make decisions and make mistakes, they cannot learn. By analyzing their mistakes, they develop skills to think independently and deal with challenges.
Therefore, when we want to motivate our children to engage in an initiative, it is important to give them freedom in implementation. If they have the opportunity to improvise and choose between several courses of action, they will feel more engaged and confident instead of restricted and demotivated.
Need for expression
Young people are looking for different ways to express themselves – through clothing, by imitating celebrities or by socializing with friends at concerts, parties, games, etc. They are trying to find their place in the world and need feedback from others to build a clearer picture of themselves. If we don’t give them the freedom to express themselves and act, they won’t have the opportunity to ‘see’ themselves through the eyes of others, which can stunt their emotional and personal development.
Social prejudices against men and women
Everyone has a natural need to develop and improve. Growth happens through actions that inevitably carry the risk of mistakes and even disappointments. However, without acting and taking risks, a young person cannot develop.
To build self-reliance, he must try, make mistakes, analyze his failures, and find solutions. Adults have an important role to play in this process – not to impose prohibitions and punishments, but to provide tools for analysis and guidance to help young people reflect on their mistakes and learn from them.
Strict bans often do not have the desired effect because teenagers have the energy and determination to find ways around them. In their attempts to overcome the restrictions imposed, they sometimes make even more serious mistakes. Instead of stopping their development, adults can help by offering alternatives and guidance that support their personal growth and desired goals.
Need for support
During the teenage years, adolescents begin to search for their independence and build their own identity. This often leads to conflicts with parents as children begin to resist the rules and restrictions that are imposed on them. At an earlier age, children are easily disobedient because they do not have clearly formed goals, but over time they want more freedom and try to assert themselves. This changes the dynamics of relationships with parents.
The young person begins to have their own dreams and goals, but often do not have the skills and strategies needed to achieve them. They usually don’t want to show that they need help because they want to appear independent and capable. This is a common reason why parents don’t understand that their children need support, leading to insecurity and feelings of misunderstanding in teenagers. They want to be independent but at the same time do not have the necessary skills and resources to manage completely on their own.
When parents not only set rules, but also give guidance and support to their children, communication between them improves significantly. When teens get help building skills and strategies to achieve their goals, they become more confident and motivated. This approach is much more effective than resisting their need for independence because it encourages cooperation instead of conflict. When parents and children work together, a partnership and sense of closeness is built that
Need for challenges and rewards
Children’s favourite pastime is games because they present natural challenges. When a person is not yet aware of their full potential, they have an inner need to test themselves to see how far they can go. This desire to explore is part of the normal developmental process, but it cannot be realised unless they are given enough freedom to try different things.
Games are an excellent way to teach our children new things, help them understand their successes and mistakes and build new skills. When we talk about games, we mean all forms of play. Even the most unpleasant and trivial daily chores can be practiced in the form of play. There is a difference between, “Not only do I support you, but I cook for you all day. Now you have to do the dishes!” That sounds very negative, overlays guilt, and has the parasitic word “should.” A different approach would be, “Yesterday I did the dishes in 12 minutes. That’s my record so far. If you think you can wash them faster, let’s give it a try! The winner gets to eat the piece of cake in the fridge!” This is how creating a game sets the stage for receiving a prize that a young person can wear proudly as a mark of achievement and fulfilling their potential.
Rewards can be useful when used as extrinsic motivation, but if they become too frequent and are given for routine chores, such as setting the table after a meal or achieving good grades, they can reduce a young person’s intrinsic motivation
Need for choice of communication
Teenagers often want to have control over the way they communicate. If they don’t want to talk at a particular time or prefer written communication to verbal, this should not be seen as a rejection. Instead of pressuring them, it is more effective to understand the reasons for their preference. Perhaps they feel more comfortable expressing their thoughts in writing or simply want time to themselves. Understanding these needs is key to building healthy and supportive communication.
Choosing communication means that the young person decides for themselves who they want to be close friends with. When adults try to control his communication with “bad friends” or impose prohibitions, it often backfires. The friends the young person chooses give him emotional and psychological support in a way that adults cannot provide. Here, adults often fear becoming unnecessary and not playing a central role, which makes them feel they are losing control and fear failure.
It should be analysed in great detail why the young person has chosen to be friends with these particular friends. What does he see in them? How does he perceive them? What does he like about them? Often these are groups of young people with similar interests who accept the young person’s particularities and thus provoke a feeling of security. When young people do not get the sense of security and support they need at home with their parents, it is only natural that they start looking for it elsewhere.
Young people like to learn, but they do not
Differences in the way security is perceived
Differences in understanding security between generations often lead to misunderstandings. For parents, security means stability – a secure home, education and resources for the future. For young people, security is something quite different – the feeling of being accepted for who they are, of having the space to make mistakes and grow up without fear of judgement.
When we recognise these differences, we can build a relationship based not on control and domination, but on trust and support. Rather than trying to shield them from every difficulty, it is better to create an environment where they feel safe to try, to learn and to find their own way. In this way, we not only help them reach their potential, but also prepare them to face life’s challenges with confidence and strength.
Author: Lyubomir Nedev
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