11 myths about domestic violence
11 myths about domestic violence In this article, we will debunk 11 myths about domestic violence by contrasting them with actual proven facts. 1. Myth:
The art of self-sabotage
Sometimes we create obstacles for ourselves that slow us down or even stop us from achieving what we want. When our own thoughts or actions take us away from success and fulfillment without realizing it, it’s called self-sabotage.
How does self-sabotage originate?
Self-sabotage can begin to take shape as early as early childhood or even during pregnancy.
This occurs when a child was unwanted or when the mother was emotionally distant toward them. The child perceives this emotional distance as a separation from the mother. For an adult, this might be merely an unpleasant feeling, but for a baby, who is entirely dependent on their parents, these signals appear as a threat to their very existence.
Self-sabotage also develops when parents are overly strict and excessively controlling of the child.
They limit the child’s choices, do not allow them to express themselves, and often say things that make the child believe they are not good enough. As they grow up, this child may begin to engage in behaviors that hinder their success because they believe they do not deserve happiness or achievement.
Types of auto sabotage
Autosabotage can manifest itself in different ways. Here are some of the most common forms:
- Delay
Postponing important tasks is often the result of fear of failure or even success. This behavior provides temporary relief, but in the long run increases stress and impedes progress.
- Self-criticism and low self-esteem
Often the internal dialogue of people who sabotage themselves is filled with negative thoughts such as “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve success,” or “I won’t succeed.” This self-criticism leads to a lack of confidence and reduces motivation to act.
- Perfectionism
The quest for perfection often blocks a person from taking action because the fear of not achieving the ideal result paralyzes any effort. Perfectionism is a form of self-sabotage that results in delaying or avoiding action altogether.
- Self-Insulation
People who sabotage themselves often avoid social contact because they fear rejection or do not believe they deserve support and attention.
What happens in our body when we are under the influence of autosabotaging mechanisms?
During various emotional and physical experiences our body produces endorphins, also called “happiness hormones”. They make us feel good and act as a natural painkiller. Endorphins are released not only when we are happy, but also when we are in pain.
When in our early childhood, the predominant sensations are emotional or physical pain, our body responds by releasing more endorphins to cope with it. Over time, these processes build neural pathways that the body remembers. Pain is thus recognized as the only “gateway” for the body to create endorphins to experience relief. In adulthood, this program provokes us to unconsciously seek out difficulties and challenges because they appear to be a stimulus for endorphin production. This behavior can lead to self-destructive actions without understanding the reasons for them.
It is important to understand that endorphins offer only temporary relief and do not solve long-term problems. Therefore, it is good to recognize these patterns and look for healthier ways to stimulate endorphin production such as exercise, meditation and time with loved ones.
How to deal with self-sabotage?
One approach to addressing self-sabotage is through self-rewarding—learning to reward ourselves for small achievements.
This helps create new neural connections in the brain that lead to a pursuit of pleasure. In this way, we learn that we can experience joy directly, without seeking pain to produce the endorphins that make us feel better.
Positive affirmations also play a key role in changing negative thought patterns.
For instance, repeating phrases such as “I deserve success” or “I am valuable simply because I exist” can help reshape inner dialogue and boost self-esteem. Over time, these new beliefs will begin to replace the negative patterns that lead to self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage can hinder our personal growth, but with awareness and self-care, we can break free from this behavioral pattern.
The path to overcoming it starts with building healthy self-prioritization. This is the ability to put ourselves first and take care of our own needs, both emotional and material. It is a fundamental element in achieving independence and personal stability.
It is important to realize that relying on others to meet our needs is not good for us—this is our responsibility.
When we take this responsibility into our own hands, we will discover that we are stronger and more capable than we imagined. Even if we have had moments of self-criticism and doubt in our abilities, we can learn to accept ourselves as we are, with all our weaknesses and imperfections. Acceptance does not mean liking or approving of everything about ourselves.
You may dislike certain qualities but still accept and understand them. Denial is the path to pain, while acceptance is the path to love.
It is impossible to change yourself for the better through denial.
Conscious parenting
As parents, our primary responsibility is to raise children with good self-esteem and the skills to make effective decisions. To achieve this, we need to protect our children from patterns of behaviour that could harm them. Here are some guidelines, approach and strategies to prevent self-sabotaging behaviour patterns in children:
- Show unconditional love and acceptance:
Show your child that you value and love them for themselves, not for their achievements or behaviour. This will help them develop a healthy sense of self-worth and reduce their need for external validation.
- Learning from mistakes
When your child makes a mistake, take the opportunity to teach him the right way and approach to handle the situation. There is nothing wrong with trying and failing. It is more destructive to the child if he/she does not want to try because of fear. Remember that making mistakes is a natural part of growing and learning. Children have the right to make mistakes.
- Encourage altruism
Teach your child the value of helping others. Not only will this make him a more compassionate person, but it will also help him develop important social skills.
- Apply active listening:
When communicating with your child, practice active listening to show that you are engaged and interested in what he or she is saying. This will improve your communication and help your child feel valued.
- Create a safe and supportive environment
Make sure your home is a place where your child feels loved, valued and safe to express themselves. This stable foundation will help him develop a sense of belonging and self-esteem.
- Encourage choice and initiative
Instead of constantly making decisions on behalf of your child, let him or her make choices within reason. This will encourage his independence and decision-making ability.
- Distinguish emotions from feelings
Help your child understand that emotions and feelings are different things. Just because you’re angry at him because he got a D at school doesn’t mean you don’t love him anymore. Emotions and feelings can occur at the same time. You can feel the emotion-anger and the feeling-love at the same time.
- Be consistent
Behave in a consistent and predictable manner so that your child knows what to expect from you. This will help him feel secure and reduce anxiety.
- Promoting the positive
Instead of using punishments and negative incentives, focus on encouraging positive behaviour to help your children understand and choose the right actions. The right approach to children is to take away their pleasure, not create displeasure through punishment and aggression.
From self-sabotage to self-improvement
Auto sabotage often has its origins in past emotional traumas and deep fears that have left an imprint on our subconscious. In an attempt to avoid future pain, we inadvertently create obstacles in front of ourselves – we reject or ignore our own desires and goals, believing that this will protect us from external disappointments or negative reactions. This behavior creates the illusion of control over the situation, but in reality only distances us from our real opportunities for growth and personal happiness.
Self-sabotage is like a defense mechanism that supposedly protects us. But what it actually does is keep us in our comfort zone where growth is difficult or impossible. Instead of breaking free and overcoming our fears, we stay trapped in negative thoughts and patterns that lead us to self-rejection, self-punishment, and passivity. In doing so, we limit our own personal happiness and success.
Perseverance, patience, and the pursuit of self-acceptance enable us to break free from old patterns and create a new, healthy foundation for ourselves. Self-love is our real guide. It helps us to break limitations and move toward a richer, more conscious and meaningful life filled with success and personal fulfillment.
Автор: Любомир Недев
Dating abuse
Dating abuse Dating or early relationship abuse is a type of domestic violence that is characterized by a pattern of behavior by one participant that
The search for truth creates direction in our lives
In the last decade, we have witnessed a unique technological advance, unprecedented in human history. Free access to information has fundamentally changed the life of modern man. The abundance of information, however, raises doubts about its credibility and quality.