In the previous article, we explored the core needs of young people and how they can be supported in their development. In this article, we shift the focus to older adults, their needs, and the opportunities for building stronger intergenerational connections. Young people play an important role in this process—especially when they approach older adults with respect, understanding, and empathy.
Security is a fundamental need, yet each generation perceives and experiences it differently. For young people, security means feeling free to be themselves, to express their thoughts and emotions openly, to share ideas and dreams with those who accept them as they are. This kind of security emerges when parents have already provided for the basic material needs—such as a home, food, and care. Freed from survival concerns, young people can turn their attention to deeper questions like “Who am I?”, “What matters to me?”, and “What do I want to achieve in life?”
For older adults, security includes not only a home, income, and good health but also the sense that their life has had meaning and value. After years devoted to work, caregiving, and sacrifice, older people long to see that their efforts are recognized and that they’ve left a meaningful legacy. This sense of meaning and recognition is most often realized through relationships with loved ones. When family members and children show respect and gratitude, older adults feel appreciated and honored.
The desire to be seen, comforted, and accepted is a natural human need, strongly expressed in early childhood. These longings are not a sign of weakness but are part of our human nature, rooted in evolutionary mechanisms for survival through social belonging. People have an inherent need to feel important and valued, which is why they consciously seek attention, recognition, and understanding from others. Of course, this is through the lens of the mind. When a person embarks on a path of inner growth, their sense of value shifts. Instead of seeking approval from the outside, they begin to derive their worth from inner peace and the freedom to be themselves. The ego, with its expectations and need for acknowledgment, often leads to tension, conflict, and disappointment. For example, some older adults believe their children are obligated to respect and be grateful to them. But when this is imposed as a moral demand—especially in the form of reproach or pressure—it’s natural for the response not to be positive.
In such moments, it’s important to remember that the decision to raise a child is a personal choice. Caring for a child is not a service that demands repayment but a voluntarily assumed responsibility, also required by law. Gratitude only has meaning when it stems from a feeling of love and connection—not when it is demanded or made a condition.
Many older adults subconsciously believe they don’t have the right to ask for respect if they haven’t been able to provide basic necessities like food, shelter, and security for themselves or their loved ones. When someone faces difficulties in these areas, their self-esteem may suffer, and they may fear being seen as a failure. As a result, older adults often focus on material things because these give them a sense of value and a basis for expecting respect. They also have a strong need to make decisions, as this gives them a sense of control over their lives and environment. The more important the decisions they make, and the more people who depend on them, the more entitled they feel to be respected.
This behavior is tied to how our society often measures a person’s worth—placing material success above spiritual qualities. This materialistic mindset is often passed down to younger generations. In early childhood, they naturally value non-material things—such as genuine attention, emotional support, and the presence of older adults in their lives. But when these needs are unmet, adults often try to compensate with gifts or material goods. Gradually, young people begin to form inner beliefs that relationships are built on material benefits, not emotional closeness and understanding.
To foster understanding between generations, older adults must serve as examples of maturity, honesty, and a willingness to engage in calm and open conversations. Respect can’t be bought or forced. It is built through sincerity, calmness, and genuine interest in the other person. The most valuable things one can pass on are not material possessions, but human qualities like respect, kindness, wisdom, and love. These are the foundation of true connection, which gives life meaning and brings people together, regardless of age.
Young people who want to build more mature relationships with their parents can do so through sincere appreciation for the care and support they’ve received—support that is often taken for granted. Even small gestures of respect can have a deep impact. When both sides strive to understand and respect one another, relationships become warmer, more stable, and more meaningful. In such an environment, both young and old feel valued and accepted for who they are.
Strong intergenerational relationships begin with young people’s willingness to listen attentively. This means listening to older adults without interrupting—even if they disagree. Often, the older person isn’t looking for advice or solutions; they just need to share how they feel or what they’re thinking, without being corrected or judged. When a young person truly listens with attention and respect, they show that they value the older adult’s presence. This alone is an act of respect.
Gratitude also plays an important role. It’s not just expressed with words but primarily through actions. For example, when a young person says something as simple as “Thank you for always being there for me” or “I appreciate everything you’ve done,” it can greatly boost an older person’s sense of worth. Even more impactful are small gestures of care—making coffee, helping with chores, watching a favorite movie together, or simply sitting in silence. These acts send the message: “You matter to me.”
When young people calmly share their feelings without blaming or attacking, older adults are more likely to listen and try to understand. For instance, instead of saying “You never understand me,” it’s better to say “Sometimes it’s hard for me to open up because I’m afraid I won’t be understood.” Avoiding words like “always” and “never,” as well as sweeping generalizations, is helpful since they are usually exaggerated or untrue.
Young people may not be able to change older adults, but they can try to understand them. Instead of reacting impulsively to their behavior, they can ask: What is behind this behavior? What fears, worries, or unmet needs might be driving it? When approached with respect and genuine curiosity about another’s inner world, a connection is created in which both sides feel understood and accepted.
Shared activities and moments also create a sense of closeness. Spending time together—whether through a walk, cooking, board games, or looking at old photos—builds warmth and a sense of belonging. These moments often become lasting memories and hold more value than words. They not only create new memories but also help heal old wounds.
Intergenerational relationships are built through consistent small acts of attention, respect, and empathy. When young people approach the fears, needs, and values of older adults with understanding, communication improves and mutual trust and respect are strengthened. In turn, older adults are more likely to open their hearts when they feel accepted for who they are.
The willingness to see the person next to us as they truly are—with their history, needs, pain, and dreams—helps us avoid judgment and criticism. When we approach others with understanding and empathy, we build relationships grounded in trust, closeness, and care. These are the relationships that create a stable foundation for a life full of meaning and warmth.
Author: Lyubomir Nedev
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