Author: Lyubomir Nedev
Self-love – the path to inner harmony
Self-love is at the core of our inner balance and life satisfaction. It is not about selfishness or narcissistic behavior, but about the ability to accept ourselves as we are – with our strengths, weaknesses, and imperfections. Although it sounds simple, many people struggle to develop self-love due to deeply rooted fears, insecurities, and internal beliefs formed in childhood.
Fear and love are like two opposing forces that pull a person in different directions. Fear closes the heart, retracts it into a shell where everything is focused on self-preservation. It builds barriers, erects walls, and makes us view the world with distrust and caution. Love, on the other hand, is like light that dissolves these walls. It connects, liberates, and brings a sense of closeness and acceptance.
When fear takes over the mind and thoughts, a person starts to see danger in every action, to expect pain, loss, or betrayal. In this state, trust becomes nearly impossible – vulnerability and openness seem like a risk. But love needs exactly the opposite: the safety that comes from accepting both others and ourselves.
Self-love in childhood
Self-love is learned in childhood and mainly depends on two factors: the way our parents treat us, and how they treat themselves.
The way parents treat us
The way parents behave toward their child shapes the child’s own relationship with themselves. Words matter, but actions matter even more. When we receive support, respect, and care, we develop healthy self-esteem and learn to love ourselves. However, if we grow up in an environment of criticism, neglect, or harshness, we risk internalizing the same negative model toward ourselves in adulthood.
The way parents treat themselves
Children absorb not only how parents treat them, but also how they treat their own needs and boundaries. When we see our parents valuing themselves, enjoying their successes, and taking care of themselves, we internalize this as normal behavior. Conversely, if parents neglect, criticize, or suppress themselves, we may also learn to neglect ourselves, thinking that’s just how things work in the adult world.
Sacrificing authenticity for love
When a child does not receive the necessary support or is faced with criticism and rejection, they seek ways to make sense of it. In such situations, there are two options: to resist the parent and the unfair treatment, risking conflict and distance, or to believe that they are at fault and must change their behavior in order to be accepted and loved.
Most children choose the second option because, for them, the bond with the parent is key to feeling secure. To avoid rejection, children begin to suppress parts of their authentic self and adapt to the parent’s expectations. Thus, they begin to believe that in order to receive love and acceptance, they must give up certain traits, desires, and behaviors. This belief leaves lasting marks on their self-esteem.
Returning to authenticity
As adults, we can change the old behavioral patterns we developed in childhood as a way of surviving. We can now recognize that if someone doesn’t love us, it no longer threatens our survival – we are capable of taking care of ourselves and surviving even without being loved. While in childhood the goal was to adapt and survive, now our goal is not just to cope with life but to live it fully.
The path to a fulfilling life begins with reconnecting with our true selves. To love ourselves means to fully accept ourselves – with all our qualities, to respect ourselves, and to allow ourselves to be who we are without needing others’ approval or recognition. What people think of us is no longer so important.
The mirror principle and the law of attraction
Our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs shape how we perceive the world around us and how we respond to life’s situations. If we believe that we are victims of circumstances and that life is unfair, we will unconsciously attract situations that confirm those negative beliefs. This happens because the outside world (the Universe) reflects what we carry inside.
When we begin to value ourselves and build confidence, our attitude changes, and with it, our relationships with others also change. Confidence and gratitude create the conditions for a more harmonious life and open the door to new opportunities and success.
Spirituality in modern society
In today’s world, spirituality is often seen as a trend or a means of commercial gain. Numerous seminars and trainings in this field create the illusion that it’s enough to think positively to get everything we want. If this were truly the case, everyone would fulfill their dreams instantly and effortlessly – you just sit, think, and the universe gives you what you want because you’ve “discovered the secret”… But if everyone, including those with bad intentions, could manifest their desires so easily, the consequences would be unpredictable and probably destructive for humanity.
In reality, true change requires not only thinking, but also awareness, intentional action, and personal growth.
The law of attraction is a complex process that depends not only on our thoughts, but also on our emotions, subconscious beliefs, and the specific actions we take. The real key is developing inner confidence – believing that we deserve a better life and that we have the power to create it.
By nature, the mind and thoughts are geared toward problem-solving and survival. This is their main function – to analyze difficulties and find solutions. Positive thinking, on the other hand, often ignores problems, creating the illusion that everything is already fine or will somehow get better in the future. This is where the mind and positive thinking diverge – they have no “chemistry” because one deals with life’s difficulties, and the other relies on an illusion of problem-free existence.
Expressing your needs
Self-love means expressing clearly and openly what we want and what we need. Instead of waiting for our loved ones to guess what we need, it’s important to share our desires specifically. Many people, especially women, often believe that if someone truly loves them, they will intuitively sense their needs. But the reality is that people can’t read minds (yet). That’s why it’s our responsibility to communicate what’s important to us and what our needs are.
When you express your needs clearly but are met with indifference or a lack of attention and engagement from the other person, this may indicate an imbalance in the relationship. Many people are afraid to share their needs because they fear rejection. But when we stay silent, we actually neglect ourselves and reduce the chance that our needs will be met. This is a form of self-neglect, where we prioritize others’ needs over our own.
It’s good to remember that we have the right to express our needs, and the other person has the right to accept or refuse to engage with them at the moment. If they refuse, it doesn’t determine your worth – it reflects their own needs and priorities and has nothing to do with you or your desires. Their refusal stems from their subjective (self-centered) reasons and is not a reflection of your value.
Embracing your shadow sides
To love ourselves means to accept not only our positive traits but also our shadow sides – the aspects that make us feel uncomfortable or that we try to hide. Often, we fear that if we reveal them, we will be rejected or judged. This fear creates inner tension and distances us from our authentic self.
Our shadow sides are usually rooted in beliefs we formed in childhood. Back then, we created rules about what we had to do to be loved, and what to avoid in order not to be rejected. These internal restrictions and rules continue to shape the way we think, feel, and act, even as adults.
To understand these shadow aspects within ourselves, ask: What don’t I like about myself? What do I consider “bad” or undesirable? Be honest and don’t judge your answers. Acceptance begins when we face our shadow sides with compassion rather than criticism.
Reconnect with your body
Self-love also includes the connection with our body. Listen to your sensations, your senses, and your physical needs. Taking care of the body is key to our overall health and well-being. This may include regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, good hydration, and practices like meditation.
Returning to yourself
Self-love is not selfishness, but a key element of our emotional well-being. It is not just a momentary act, but a continuous process of awareness and acceptance.
When we accept ourselves as we are, we lay the foundation for more fulfilling relationships and a happier life. Self-love is the foundation on which all other relationships are built. It shapes our perception of the world and how we communicate with others. Only when we value and accept ourselves can we create healthy and balanced relationships and be open to both giving and receiving love.
A lack of self-love often leads to constantly seeking external approval and feeling insecure. True strength comes when we learn to connect with ourselves and value who we are. Then we become more confident and calm in our decisions and can view life with more understanding and respect for others.
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