Center for Child Development "Smiles"

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The impact of stereotypes on our ideas about love

Информацията е най-важният ресурс в битието на съвременния човек. Субективното интерпретиране е причината,  поради която в една и съща ситуация хората чувстват и реагират различно. Затова е важно да имаме будност и яснота за информацията, как достига до нас, начина, по който ни въздейства и какви заключения си правим чрез нея. Това създава Необходимостта от изграждане на критично мислене, за да се предпазим от външни внушения, каквито са стереотипите. Тяхното влияние може да бъде решаващо за възприятието ни към любовта и партньорските взаимоотношения.

The past creates potential but does not determine the future

Everyone perceives the world through the lens of their core beliefs. They are built in childhood, but can transform and solidify in adulthood. Therefore, it is not right to blame our parents and upbringing for what we are at the moment. Yes, past experience is important, but not determinative. The mind can tell us that we are victims of the past and that there is nothing we can do. In fact, it is our responsibility to work with ourselves to build ourselves up regardless of our childhood experiences. We cannot change the past as a situation, but we can change its effect on us in the present. Information that we have had in the form of trauma in the past can be transformed, experienced and made sense of in a new, healthier way.

The impact of stereotypes on our personal beliefs

In the previous article, we looked at the role of needs and how they define our relationship with our partner. This is only “one side of the coin”. Another important element that we will point out is the influence of prejudice. If needs are the internal variables for us, prejudices and stereotypes are the external ones.

Stereotypes are preconceived opinions or beliefs of a certain group of people. They are mental representations or concepts that people use to categorize and understand the world around them. This is information coming from the social mass, but subsequently it can be transformed into prejudice and established as a personal belief and rule. It actually happens that information from the outside can predetermine our own worldview and values. Critical thinking is the means by which we filter information by questioning it.

We can do this by looking for answers to the relevant questions: where does it come from, why does it come to us, who does it want to reach with us, what needs does it provoke, is it political propaganda or is it for marketing purposes, what emotions does it want to provoke, how does it succeed make us feel and what is the ultimate purpose of this information? These are questions that if we manage to answer, we will be able to have clarity on the essence of the information.

As a result, we can choose whether we want it to affect us, as here we already have awareness and are not subject to manipulation.

Social prejudices against men and women

We can often meet the so-called learned phrases in society addressed to men or women. Initially, they are like a statement that aims to minimize or ridicule certain qualities in the opposite sex. The subconscious purpose of such behavior may be to unite a certain collective of people. When a mass of people unite around a common claim about something, it creates a sense of cohesion and reduces individual differences in the group.

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Another reason could be the use of such statements as a defense mechanism, in order to preserve the self in moments of weakness.For example, if a man has been abandoned by a woman, he may try to shift the blame from himself by saying “women only look for material things”.

The problem with these statements and learned phrases is that they are preconceptions that lead to a social pattern of behavior. Most people do not verify the things that society tells them. They assume that if “everyone” says it, then it is true. Thus, in the specific situation, the man instead of starting to analyze his mistakes and understand why he was abandoned, he shifts the responsibility to women in general. Thus, he deprives himself of the opportunity to transform himself by learning from his experience. Which will result in a lack of adjustment and opportunity for development. This predisposes him to make the same mistake again and again blame others afterwards.

We cannot make the same mistakes and expect a different result. But what is worse in this case is that there is no awareness at all that the problem is with him and not with the woman. So we have to be very careful about what mental conclusions we draw, especially when we are in a moment of weakness and hurt.

Five stereotypical prejudices common in society.

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"Women don't know what they want."

In fact, most women know very well what they want and how they want it. They simply have a difficulty, and sometimes an unwillingness, to define it rationally and logically so that it can be understood. Men are driven by logic and consistency, while women’s thought processes are much more complex and chaotic, because they operate with much more information at the same time. As a result of this process, women have a sense of what they want, while men work with specifics. Therefore, sometimes there is a discrepancy in the way they perceive and express themselves.

"Women are mainly interested in money"

Why is money important to women? Money in the first place gives security. Women are coded to create a family and a new life, which requires security and stability on a purely material level. If we look back at men, money is no less important to them.

They are a way to show their success and authority to society, but unlike men, women’s interest in money will decrease. In the next thirty years, women grew a lot socially. In the past centuries, their social function was expressed mainly in taking care of the household and raising the children. Nowadays we see women becoming leaders, starting to earn more money than men, being faster developing. This trend will continue. This is because women are more sensitive, have an eye for detail and are good at synchronizing with changes in their surroundings.

Women are more open to self-cultivation, self-knowledge, spiritual and meditative practices. This helps them to control their emotions, learn from mistakes and get to know their inner world. As a result, they begin to surpass men in many qualities and skills. Thanks to this evolution, their interest in money will not be so strong because they will be more independent, financially stable and autonomous.

Men are losing their superiority over women. It is not yet visible so globally, because it is a time-consuming process, but it is clear that the “new leaders” will be mainly women. They will have a major role in the transition and building a world without violence and war. A world where consumers and mercantile people will be pressed by the need to transform in order to survive. Feminine energy is the key to the new age and the end of the age of self-centeredness

"Men just want sex."

Men don’t really just want sex. The main thing for them is to prove themselves and hunt. Given that the glory days where a man is presumed to be a hunter or a warrior and prove himself through the hunt or on the battlefield are long gone, for the modern man sex (along with financial success) remains the main means of self-affirmation and nurturing of self-importance. . In this line of thinking, first of all, a man wants to feel successful and important in the eyes of women, although many men do not realize this.

Thus, sex is simply an expression of the recognition that a man wants to receive. If a woman predisposes a man to feel loved, desired and significant as a man, then she will be able to satisfy his emotional needs. Not that this will cancel the desire for sex, but definitely the woman will see that the man is actually a much more complex creature than it seems at first glance.

"Men are less emotional than women."

Emotionality, like Strength, is an individual quantity and we cannot put a large group of people under one denominator. Men simply rarely choose to express their emotions, and often don’t know how to. When they do decide to express their feelings, they do so in a different way than women do.

The man needs to be understood, so he thinks that if he expresses his feelings rationally and coherently, they will be clearer. And if he acts in this way, his emotions will really be understood better, but not by women, but by other men. It is the rational expression of feelings that makes them less emotional for women. It is also good to take into account that until recently the man lived in the stereotypes: “men should not cry”, “they should be strong”, which literally means that they do not have the right to express their emotions and feelings outside, otherwise they will look weak in people’s eyes. This results in the accumulation of many unprocessed emotions and feelings.

This can cause psychosomatics, a problem with self-control, as well as various mental and emotional problems. So men should stop equating weak with emotional. Weakness actually lies in the lack of emotional intelligence, the inability to understand and master yourself.

"A beautiful woman cannot be smart", "A physically strong man cannot be smart."

These are models imposed on society mainly by the media and the film industry. When we limit the positive qualities of a smart woman or a strong man in our imaginations, we gain a sense of control and security. If someone possesses too many highly valued qualities, we may question our own sense of success. This can threaten our illusory view of the world and where we are in it. Of course, there are many physically strong men and beautiful women who have highly developed intelligence, but since the physical is seen first, we may not notice an intangible category of intelligence. This kind of prejudice acts as a defense mechanism. We choose to believe that handsome cannot be smart in order to make ourselves feel like we are competitive. This is tantamount to living in a well-measured illusion for our comfort.

Everyone longs to find the ideal and perfect partner. In fact, few truly believe they deserve to have someone so perfect by their side. This means that they also have to improve themselves, and not everyone is ready for change. Therefore, they settle for whatever is offered to them. The other side of the coin is that “perfect” ones are rarely found in pure form. In most cases, there is a period of adjustment and synchronization to the partner.

The quest to find the perfect man or woman

Everyone longs to find the ideal and perfect partner. In fact, few truly believe they deserve to have someone so perfect by their side. This means that they also have to improve themselves, and not everyone is ready for change. Therefore, they settle for whatever is offered to them. The other side of the coin is that “perfect” ones are rarely found in pure form. In most cases, there is a period of adjustment and synchronization to the partner.

The truth is that everyone gets what they deserve. One encounters what radiates as vibration. When we learn from our mistakes and consciously improve ourselves, new horizons open up before us. As we go through our personal trials, as we acquire new skills, we begin to radiate a new kind of energy that attracts new people and events into our lives.

When does Love flow into our lives?

Great love comes when we have the right inner prerequisites for it. It comes when we are internally ready for it. Many people fall into the delusion that love will save them from their sorrows. In fact, love comes after you have already freed yourself from them and now have something to give to the world and to others. Love comes at the right moment, and that moment depends only on our level of self-awareness and where we are on our own ladder of personal development. How can we be sure if this is Love?

There is no security with her, but a sense of freedom. It is a specific subjective inner feeling. Love does not come if we want it and only think about it. It cannot be a goal, but a result of our attitude towards ourselves and the world. The beauty of Love is in its naturalness, and the measure of that is Ease.

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