Center for Child Development "Smiles"

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Exemption from the enslaving social models

Who are we? What example shall we set? What will we bequeath to future generations? What kind of people will we leave behind? Consumers or creators? Will we be able to differentiate ourselves from dysfunctional social models? Do we have the skills and power to raise a new generation for whom life is not a struggle for survival, but a supreme principle of self-improvement?

We live in times of political and social changes, which impose on the individual the following dilemma: either to make internal psycho-emotional changes and adapt to reality, or to be a pawn on the chessboard of life and depend on chance and the mercy of others.

A particularly heavy burden falls on young people who do not yet have the life experience for adequate self-analysis and gradual adaptation. Burdened with our high expectations of them, they often don’t know which path to take.

Paradoxically, in times when we need strong and decisive leaders, we still follow social stereotypes leading to the creation of docile and easily predictable employees. People aiming to be incorporated into the economic machine as meek, doers and  easy to manipulate. People without the right to vote or ideas for change.

Let’s look at three stereotypes that, if rethought, can greatly change the role we play in life.

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Modesty

Modesty means minimizing your hidden potential. Often this modesty has been instilled in you by society – parents, “friends”, teachers – and as a result, you have buried deep a lot of your potential that you thought you didn’t deserve because you weren’t good enough according to society’s standards.

Don’t justify who you are to others. If deep down you sense and feel that you are destined to do great things, give up modesty. If in others modesty is a virtue, in your case it may turn out to be an obstacle. A leader cannot afford to be modest as he has accepted the enormous responsibility of leading others. This means that the leader fulfills a function and must be whatever the purpose of his mission requires.

It has been said that modesty beautifies a man. It has also been said that modesty is for people who have no other qualities. Modesty is usually highly valued by people who have low self-esteem. Modesty is valued mainly by societies that have long been suppressed. In such cases, if someone starts to show their qualities it affects others because it disturbs their sense of social equality. Being the same creates a sense of security and comfort, but it often comes at the expense of freedom.

Modesty is as wrong as arrogance and boasting. Modesty prevents a clear self-assessment, hinders our effective actions, shuts down many potentials in their very beginning. When we are humble we do not express our position to others, we do not have a clear desire to change the world or the environment around us. This leads to unrealized goals and desires, which, in turn, lead to unmet needs and a sense of failure and lack of qualities. We find no value within ourselves, so we focus outside of ourselves, where societal norms and praise give us a sense of significance. External approval becomes more important than our self-esteem, aspirations and values. Thus, people’s opinion of us, praise, material gains become our new criterion of value, from where the competitive mechanism is born, and from there the beginning of modern slavery. The feeling and idea arises that the possession of external goods gives rise to internal value for us. The more, the more… Therefore, there is often a discrepancy in the assessment that people give us and the one that we have for ourselves. The question is to what extent our assessment of ourselves is shaped by lived experience or based on assumptions, desires and hypotheses. Lived experience is factual. We can draw a conclusion from it, we can analyze mistakes and learn from them.

Another common factor is people’s thoughts about us, specifically – their assessment of our actions. Does it matter “what people think” if this fear of external censure stops your personal development, your sense of success and personal happiness? And do you really know what people think? Is it really that important if different people think different things about you and you’re not liked by everyone? Do you think it is possible to please all people considering that everyone is different in their own way according to their lived experiences and personal needs?

We need to distinguish between humility and modesty. In humility, it is possible to have awareness, alertness, and an inner center built beyond ego and mind. Whereas in modesty, the root is built from pain, unmet needs, and fear of punishment. Modesty shifts the focus to the ego and how people see you. The emphasis should be on how efficient and effective you are, not on whether you are modest. Don’t turn modesty into a defense mechanism to cover up your lack of skills or fear of failure. Accept your weaknesses, work on them and create the skills you want to have.

Don't make mistakes

To fear mistakes is to run away from trials and thus lose our right to victory and triumph. Man wants to always win, but sometimes he can get more out of losing. Mistakes are a must for any training. The goal is not to be flawless, but to learn to work with your mistakes and make them your advantage.

The very development of the human race is based not on infallibility, but on making mistakes. When a mistake is made, the individual begins to think about how not to make this mistake again, he has seen the damage caused by it, and now he is actively looking for a solution. Many people are so afraid of making a mistake that they refuse to enter a battle to win. The fear of making a mistake paralyzes you and so you do not participate in the game of your own life.

Mistakes in themselves mean nothing – what matters is what we manage to get out of them. Every innovator, every discoverer, every reformer knows that to get to the final product of their idea, they have to go through a lot of failures. Mistakes are a student’s best friend – they show him how far he has come and what needs to be corrected. It is not so important to get everything right the first time, but to have the strength and will, not to give up after a series of failures.

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be patient

Being patient in itself is a very valuable quality. But a lot depends on how you understand patience. Many people understand patience as an excuse for inaction. Being able to wait is one thing, but being inactive is another. We must be able to be patient, but not stop working even for a moment. Patience means being able to wait for the right moment, not being idle. The danger of misunderstanding patience comes in a particularly disguised and hidden way. The social model often tells us to just be patient and everything will work itself out. But nothing is ordered by itself. Taking a quick look at the world right now and humanity, we can immediately see the results of the “ordering of things”. The translation of “be patient” is “keep calm, you have time”. Thus, the person constantly postpones tasks that should be solved. But not today. Let it be tomorrow. Thus we find a humanity that has no present and lives in an illusory future.

The world needs more people who are guided by real principles like Necessity and Power. Necessary changes to improve people’s quality of life. We cannot afford to follow ineffective social models and, above all, pass them on to future generations, thus ensuring their fate as slaves.

We cannot afford to be modest. This will prevent us from demonstrating to others our true nature and our real qualities, as a result of which we will not be able to receive adequate feedback to help us self-correct.

If we worry about making mistakes, we cannot expect to achieve anything new, nor to make progress in our development. The important thing is to have a clear goal, where we want to go in life and to allow ourselves to make mistakes by necessarily analyzing our actions and organizing a plan for further actions.

If patience for us is simply resignation to the surrounding reality and waiting for something to happen, then we can wait a lifetime and nothing will change for us and what is worse – we will not change anything in the world. We can no longer afford to wait for change to happen – we must make the change. We cannot wait to have more time – we must create the time. We can no longer afford to settle for inaction. We cannot afford to tolerate outdated and dysfunctional models simply because we do not want to bear the responsibility of being the first to challenge the status quo and counter the reverse momentum. We cannot afford to sleep while our children are taught not HOW to think, but WHAT to think.

Cultural and spiritual heritage

It is time to rethink everything we know or think we know and extract only what is Necessary and bequeath it as a cultural and spiritual heritage to the young generations – our future saviors. Our future benefactors. Our future judges.

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Author: Lyubomir Nedev

Donation Account

Bank: DSK Bank
IBAN: BG31STSA93000028622777
BIC: STSABGSF

дарителска сметка

Банка: Банка ДСК
Получател: „Докова и Доков за бъдеще“
IBAN: BG31STSA93000028622777
BIC: STSABGSF