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Nine tips to follow to have
a successful marriage or relationship
We live in a society that is in the process of transformation. The old values
Change in societal values
Only a few decades ago, the idea of
All this is already in the process of falling apart. The lack of national values
A large number of people believe that getting married is unnecessary and too binding. They prefer to live in a partnership that does not require formal commitments in order to feel free and independent.
It is no accident that in past generations divorce and infidelity were rare. Faithfulness and devotion to one’s husband or wife was a high social value. The meaning of marriage was for two people who love each other to be a support to each other and help each other through the challenges and difficulties that life throws at them.
These days, that idea is fading, replaced by consumerism and selfishness. This leads to a situation where at the slightest difficulty in the relationship, we start looking around for someone more convenient and convenient for our needs.
The feeling of easy access creates a consumer relationship between partners. Already with a few clicks on social platforms you can find a “new potential soul mate”. This easy replacement takes away the ability to appreciate what you “have.” Instead of making an effort to preserve relationships, the easier option is often chosen – simply to replace them with others. This kind of behavior leads to the creation of weak personalities, which creates the need for problematic situations in order for growth and transformation to occur. Evolution “doesn’t like the weak”, they just drop out. People don’t realize that what is happening to them is what they are doing to themselves.
With what has been described so far, I am noting the direction in which society is moving, but I am not saying that this is a bad thing. It can even be said that it is necessary to some extent. We cannot have new values
As I mentioned at the beginning, family and marriage are the backbone of society. They are like the building blocks of the social structure. That’s why I’m going to look at nine aspects that determine the future of a potential intimate relationship or marriage.
The importance of meetings in getting to know your partner
If people handled dating better, a lot of pain and suffering would be avoided. The purpose of dating is to determine if the person we are dating is right for us. It is important to understand what we have in common and what sets us apart. Meetings are an analysis after which we can decide whether to start a relationship or not. In order to get to know someone and find out if they are right for us, we need to meet in person. To think that we will get to know someone online is very naive. Social platforms are mainly suitable for initial contact. They are not the means we can rely on to get to know someone qualitatively.
Falling in love is not a criterion for a long-lasting relationship
Falling in love should not be confused with Love. Falling in love is one of the most selfish feelings a person can experience. It represents the projection of qualities and characteristics onto another person. Because of these projections and idealization, a feeling of intense euphoria is created, which is often mistaken for love. But over time, that euphoria wears off, leaving behind anger, frustration, and intense pain.
Falling in love is characteristic of children and young people, but sometimes it also happens in adulthood. This feeling shows that the partners do not know each other well yet, and it would be unwise to make long-term plans with a person we do not know well enough. That is why when we are in love, it is very important not to make important decisions like having children or getting married.
How can you tell if you’re in love? The typical “butterflies in the stomach”, obsessive thoughts and desire, as well as clinging to the partner. This behavior is often perceived as suffocating. The most pronounced symptom is that we do not see the partner’s flaws, in our eyes he is perfect and perfect.
Observe your partner's reactions
People are often confused by the expression “don’t look at what he says, but what he does.” It is important to understand that words and actions are different ways of receiving information, but both can be unreliable.
Skilled manipulators can easily fool us by displaying behavior they know will be accepted and liked. So we can’t just rely on his actions and words to be enough to know him.
We can conclude that someone’s attempt to impress us is a sign of interest in us. This is a good start for any relationship, but it is important to be careful and watch that this person’s words and actions are in sync.
It is more important to pay attention to the person’s reactions in unwanted or unexpected situations. Then his true nature comes out. If we don’t, we risk seeing only the masks he wears to impress us. These masks will fall with time, but this can happen even years later, when we already have a marriage or children. That is why we strive to act preventively.
Observe carefully: how does he react when he/she is angry? How does he deal with anger and how does he treat you? Is he blaming you or is he turning on himself? Does he become aggressive when he is in a situation where he has no control?
If there isn’t an appropriate situation to understand these reactions, create one. It’s better to see the real reactions now than to find out years from now and not like what you see.
Gather information about the past
Part of getting to know a partner is to have information about their previous relationships. What experiences did he have, how many partners did he have, how long did his relationships last, why did they end, and who ended the relationships – him or his ex-partners? How does he talk about his exes and what is his attitude towards them? Are you still in touch with them? These details are important to understand common mistakes, potential problems that may arise and do we have the mental resources to deal with them?
Observe relationships in the family
It is essential to observe our partner’s parents. They largely determine its potential for development and reactions. If they are hot-tempered and emotionally unstable, it is possible that our partner will be as well. Are they critical, aggressive, or caring? Family dinners are useful because they show what kind of environment our partner grew up in and what behavioral patterns he adopted. He doesn’t necessarily resemble his parents in behavior, but it is very likely.
Making important decisions under the influence of feelings
Do not let emotions and feelings guide you in choosing a partner. Emotions and feelings are constantly changing. Feelings are more stable over time, but don’t be mistaken that they are something stable and permanent.
A feeling is a subjective emotional state that is formed through the interaction of thought processes, physiological reactions and personal experiences. Feeling shapes internal beliefs, attitudes, biases and attitudes towards people. It arises through a thought process and is a product of the mind. It is based on our subjective assessment of the person we have feelings for. If that assessment changes, our feelings are very likely to change as well.
Example: if we perceived our partner as loving, caring and faithful, but he changed to cheating, aggressive and selfish, then because of the new information we will create a new evaluation of him. The new assessment will probably lead to a change in feelings.
In summary: our thoughts and the changes around us create our feelings. Are you sure you want them to be your indicator of correct decisions? In general, Love has nothing to do with feelings. Even the opposite – it is an absence of products of the mind, such as thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Balancing feelings with reason is essential when choosing a partner, as ignoring one or the other can lead to dramatic results.
What is hidden under the mask of the partner
Marrying someone you’ve known for less than a year is often not a good idea, as there may not be enough time to really get to know each other. In the early stages of a relationship, there may not be enough situations for us to get to know his true nature, and instead see only his mask.
Wearing a mask should not be seen as an attempt at deception, but as a defense against deep-seated fears.
For example: someone who has a fear of abandonment can use the mask of care and support to create a sense of security in their partner and thus not create the conditions for being abandoned.
But although he is caring and loving, there is an active fear under that mask. When this fear is activated by a situation, a loving attitude can turn into suffocating and controlling behavior, as well as strong displays of jealousy and restriction. When his defenses fail and he is still rejected, compensatory mechanisms such as infidelity, alcohol, drugs and others may be triggered.
To avoid getting into such a toxic situation, it is necessary to take the time to get to know the vulnerable part of our partner. Because that is where the future problems in the relationship will arise.
Value and respect yourself
One of the most important criteria for a healthy relationship is to value, respect and know yourself. When you have respect for yourself, you will get respect from others.
Don’t be available all the time when they ask you to. Men are hunters. If you have sex with them in the first week, it is very likely that they will lose interest. If you tell him “no”, he will want you even more, and if he refuses, then it was not worth having a relationship with him.
Wrong attitude towards marriage and relationships
The purpose of marriage is not to make you happy. This is a very selfish view of partner relationships. It is selfishness and the desire to consume that are most often the causes of broken marriages and families.
The most harmonious and successful marriages are those of people who were happy before they got married. This is because they don’t need anyone to make them happy. For this reason, they do not see their partner as a means of satisfying needs.
Love is the key to a happy and fulfilling marriage. Love is not wanting, but giving without expecting anything in return. If you have built your happiness in advance, you will have no need and need to receive.
Love is manifested through understanding, acceptance, loyalty, willingness to compromise and a sincere desire to make your loved one happy.
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